gender

It’s just hair! Right?

Editor’s note: This post was written by one of our interns, Jamor Gaffney.

It was the summer before I began 5th grade when I got my first relaxer. I was curious, nervous, and unsure of whether I was making the right decision. Not because of what I now understand to be a deeply rooted, oppressive standard of beauty in this country, but simply because I didn’t know how my hair would turn out. The morning before I went into the hair salon, I wore an Afro; I walked around my neighborhood so everyone could see my hair, and they would surely see the “new and improved” Jamor once I returned from the salon.

I later arrived at the hair salon, sweating bullets as I sat in the chair. The stylist parted my rough, kinky Afro to base my scalp with grease to protect my skin; soon, I felt the cold, heavy relaxer on my head… there was no turning back now. A few minutes in, I noticed a tingling sensation on my scalp, then, a burn! I started tapping my foot against the floor to signal to someone that I was uncomfortable and was met with the response, “Beauty is pain, beauty is pain”.

Now, I knew I couldn’t say this out loud but I wanted to scream, “That makes no sense! Get this out of my head!”

The hair washing person eventually rescued me and the rest of this seemingly stupid process was fine. Seemingly stupid turned into genius because the finished product was in fact, a new and improved, Jamor. I had shiny, silky, straight, long hair… I never looked back.

Today, I am more conscious of the implications of the relaxer in the black community and I wonder if my mom and I made the right choice in having my hair chemically straightened. The new BET original television show “Reed Between the Lines” about a black family deemed “the new Cosby Show” has an episode that speaks to my questions about perming my hair at a young age. Kaci is a young teenage girl who wants to perm her hair because a boy she likes at school prefers her hair straight. Her mother Carla tries to talk her out of the decision, explaining the potential consequences of putting a perm in her hair. A conversation like this would have been very helpful for me when I was younger.

Black Hair, Still Tangled in Politics articulates my thoughts on my hair, and the ways that black women present themselves. For black women, myself included, their hair is a performance of both their race and their gender. How I present my hair to others is in many ways, a statement or declaration of my race and gender. I’m pressured to keep my hair long and straight by men, black men!

I find it disheartening that within my own racial community, I’m not comfortable enough to present my hair, as is, how it grows from my scalp, without being considered less beautiful. This stems back to the Great Migration when blacks moved from the South to the North looking for better job opportunities and an overall better way of life. There were pressures by both whites and Northern blacks for this new influx of people to appear elegant, polished, and classy and “taming” their hair was the first step to maintaining that appearance. Today, similar pressures are put on blacks to appear more professional and approachable. All of these adjectives are just indirect ways of telling me to try to look white and be friendly, and that the efforts I make toward doing so will impact my success.

What’s unprofessional about a black woman washing her natural hair and putting a little holding gel on it for work in the morning? Some white women do just that, and no one is uncomfortable or appalled. For a country with such racial diversity as America, it should be considered highly problematic that our standard of beauty is still so sourly, solely skewed toward whiteness. How is this affecting young black girls today? Based on how perming my own hair as a 5th grader changed my perspective on black hair, I can’t imagine other young girls not wanting to feel new and improved too.

The Sexual Freedom Project: Room for Change

Do you agree that gender roles define or control our personal behavior? limit our freedoms, opportunities, and ability to be ourselves? Is location, where you are in the world, the greatest indicator? What will be the results of raising children today with more relaxed ideas about gender? Do you foresee a future in which gender gradually disappears?

We want to know what you think, hear your voice. Make a video. Write u an essay or a poem. Paint us a picture, write us a song. If we feature your views here on the site, we will send you a VenusPlusX t-shirt to thank you.

Video by Tiye Massey.

TRANSCRIPT by David Kreps.

Um, oh, I don’t know actually . . . our gender… that’s a difficult one. I think it’s definite qualities that lead to, that lend themselves to a different gender, but I don’t think it’s this is clear-cut. It’s not black and white. You know, I grew up with all boys, so  even though I’m very much female, I still have a few male qualities, and I don’t think gender, I don’t know . . . I get kind of not annoyed, but I get kind of worried at the fact that everything is based on that gender specification, as opposed to just being human and being allowed to be who you are and whatnot. I think there’s definitely, obviously, there is something to be said about genders and how do they have their specific traits, but just to concrete them as that and not have any room for change, I think as the world changes, it’s just a bit silly, really. It’s definitely religion, I think it’s just we’re in a generation in the moment where it’s not been long enough out there in the open for people to realize that’s a thing, you know. When something’s been concreted for so many generations and since relationships in humans began, that males were males and females and were females, if you think about it, instead of being the last couple of generations that it’s sort of been coming out in the open, that there are, there is room for difference. There is room for people being who they are. And there is, there is biological reasons why people are who they are, for every facet of everything. I think it’s just we’re just too soon into it with only the second generation of [us] having that out there. So I think religion plays a lot, a big part of it. Your family upbringing plays a big part of it, the country you reside in plays a big part of it. I mean, even London is not as accepting as maybe here in New York. I know New York is more accepting than maybe the rest of America. So it’s just a lot of contributing factors. I think it takes a while for people to catch up with actually what’s happening in the world, if that makes sense.


 

The Sexual Freedom Project: Gender Doesn’t Exist

(También en Español)

You might be surprised by Mariana when she talks about her Catholic father’s approach to her sexuality and sex education, and how the result has been that she is generally more responsible than her peers. You will agree how cool it has been for her to receive her Dad’s trust and guidance in place of absolutes or prohibitions. She also recalls being 8 years old and thinking she wanted to be a boy, just because life seemed so much easier, but as an adult those gender differences have practically faded?

Parent or child, what do you think are the best ways young people can be guided. Does gender still exist for you? Can you imaging a gender-free future?

Send us your thoughts — and we’ll give you a t-shirt for sharing them with us! A short video, an essay or a poem, or even an image or original artwork you think sends the right message.

Video by Tiye Massey.

TRANSCRIPT by David Kreps

We’re Catholic, but my dad, he’s really open-minded. Since I [was] like sixteen, he told me, “You know Mariana? You have to… If you have sex, please wear a condom. You can do whatever you want, but use it.” So, (laughs) that’s why I’m so ‘responsible’ in some ways, and I didn’t get pregnant like a lot of my friends did. It’s cool, it’s cool to have this type of education. They don’t prohibit…

I have to say, since I [was] like eight years old,  I wanted to be a guy, to be honest. Because for me it was so much easier, you know, like to be a guy than a girl. But then, you know, nowadays, you can be, you can do a lot of things as guys do, and also, guys do a lot of things that girls do. So for me, I don’t know, gender doesn’t exist that much anymore.

The Sexual Freedom Project: Make Your Voice Heard

The Sexual Freedom Project is a series that will highlight your original and creative efforts around addressing the question, “What does sexual freedom mean to you?” It will feature your videos, stories, poetry and artwork exploring the role sexual freedom plays in your life today, how the media covers sexuality, gender, and popular culture, or anything else that comes to mind when you think of sexual freedom. Send us your personal take on these questions, or on any of the other varied topics covered by VenusPlusX.

We will also feature works created by the VenusPlusX staff, including video interviews filmed on the street, in parks, restaurants, over the Internet, and anywhere sexual freedom is being discussed.

To thank you for the submission of your original video, story, poem or artwork that we feature on the site, we will send you a free VenusPlusX t-shirt. It’s easy! For instance, you can use your videocamera, phone, or computer to make a 1-2 minute video sharing your thoughts. You could also write a short story or an essay in response to a post you read here on the site, write a poem, or create a piece of art. We look forward to your creativity!

Jack and Adrianna model our fabulous t-shirts

VenusPlusX’s soft cotton t-shirts feature the Statue of Freedom, Columbia, as it appears atop the U.S. Capitol Dome in Washington, D.C., a deeply embedded, gender-nonconforming American icon that inspires us to work harder for universal equality and sexual freedom.

For more information on how to submit your videos and stories, click here or contact us directly at columbia@venusplusx.org.

Be a part of the conversation, let your voice be heard and shared all over the world, and make us your digital platform of choice — a place where your views can have great impact. After all, isn’t expressing yourself what freedom is all about?